Word vomit. Seriously it’s the worst. Like, when you start saying things that you’re thinking in your head but clearly should never say out loud. I almost always know what to say and how to say it; I pride myself on being a people person. With one exception, alcohol and to be more specific… vodka (ok and maybe those nights where tequila comes after the vodka…which often leads to not only word vomit, but literal vomit as well). I’m the absolute worst. Sometimes I’ll wake up and remember seeing someone and that’s it. Literally, just images of people and things but no words. Standing in front of them just laughing and talking but I will have no recollection of the things that I said. Normally, people think that’s the worst case scenario but that’s false… Super false because when I’m past the point of being coherent, I can’t form proper sentences and even if I do, I don’t remember a thing and truth be told I’d much rather forget how much I embarrassed myself than the times I’m not black out. My “I’m so drunk but can talk perfectly” stage is disgusting. This is when my word vomit really makes an appearance. I always say the most inappropriate things. Usually it’s about something the person and I talked about last … Unfortunately, that something could be from 2003 depending on if it was the last time we had a real convo. The nightmare begins when I out myself. How you ask? When I talk about something I would only know about by creeping their social media. If it’s a vacation or new pet, it’s fine but when I start addressing an inside joke that I’m on the outside of then… well, ya… you get the point. There are two types of drunks (in my opinion): the ones who love everything and the ones who hate everything. I think I’m a mix of both. I usually find one person I like… Tell them how much I “love” them and discuss how much I hate everything else. I might also refer to a “fun” memory that I may be the only sole person who holds the memory (“Remember that time in grade 9 when you and I were laughing at our teacher! So funny!”) I don’t even want to get started on my scarier than satan imsgs/Instagram uploads/whastapps and the absolute worst, FaceTime sessions. I go crazy, I mean 5 shots deep and I’m texting anyone who gives me the time of day. I seriously regret it 99% of the time and sometimes even play off like it wasn’t me (unless it’s FaceTime.. Then I’ve really dug myself deep). Let’s not forget those awkward morning messages from random numbers, thanking us for our advice/telling you how funny what you said and did was. First of all, who is this? And second of all, please no.. I’d much rather not know or see screen shots of our convo. Ever. I exited those and deleted my phone history for a reason! This is by far my ugliest trait (is this considered a trait?) And with my birthday quickly approaching, I think I need to get a hold on this type of behaviour… It’s becoming problematic. I want to say that if I clear my thoughts they won’t be so psychotic when I’m intoxicated but 93% of the shit I say negatively when I’m drunk is purely made up on the spot. So here’s my birthday request … Does anyone have any ideas on how to quit the word vomit syndrome? And please be realistic… “Quit drinking” is not the answer… After all, BOF (Black Out Friday) is tradition … How can I give up the only thing that has been consistent in my life for the past 8 years. Judge me, I would too. xx