Tough day 

I’ve been really trying to get my mind off the two lives lost but it’s messing with me heavy. I find myself typing their name into Google to read the latest articles or going to their instagram page to see who tagged them in a picture to read the latest caption with messages filled with love. I don’t know why I am doing this to myself. I’ve tried to get my mind off of it and I feel boarderline weird to be so down in the dumps over two girls that weren’t in my life. I am making myself believe that I care so much because I just have a big heart. It’s the only way I know how to justify my feelings. I mean, is it normal to feel this low over people I was merely an acquaintance with? It’s making me reavaluate a lot about my life. Life is so damn short. Two girls just 19 years old taken in a blink of an eye. It’s so random and fickle. Life. It can be snatched in a snap. What is Gods purpose in all of this?  Is it to make us stronger? Serve as an eye opener? Maybe to really assess what we are doing with our lives? I honestly can’t figure it out. At the expense of losing two beautiful souls? No. Not fair. I have prayed for their family and friends with any chance that I’ve had. People I love and adore were close to them so I can’t even imagine how they feel. What a tragedy. It makes me wonder why God decided that I deserve this incredible life I’ve been blessed with and then take away from the young and beautiful. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions. From traveling and feeling so insanely happy to this. The highest of highs to the very lowest of lows. It’s been a long day…


10 thoughts on “Tough day 

  1. You DO have a big heart…. A GOOD heart. Sometimes things happen and there just really isn’t an answer for why… I’ve asked the why question for about 6 years now… This side of Heaven we may never know the answers… I’m so sorry you’re feeling so low… I know what that’s like. No fun. I’m praying for you, and your friends who knew these girls. Praying for peace and comfort. …. It really does make you reevaluate your life though…. We just need to love people. Even if they don’t deserve it! Hang in there… I’m here if you need to talk…

  2. I don’t think you have to get try to get them off your mind. Just let them be there. Allow yourself to feel that caring, even if it only feels like loss. You care and that’s what matters.

    What I do when someone passes on is think of all of the good things I remember about them. The best times, maybe even the worst times. The point is to remember and to celebrate the lives they had, no matter how brief. It makes no difference how much or little time you spent with them. They touched your life and still have an effect on you. How can they be gone if their spirits are still with you?

    It’s normal to feel some sort of guilt for you remaining here in this life and them not. But remember that life is not about how long you live, it’s about how well you live. From what you’ve written about them, I get a sense that they lived very well. So you do the same. Live well, and don’t take anyone for granted. If there’s one thing you can do as a tribute to those two angels, it’s to make every day the best day it can be. Spread the same joy and positive feelings they had while they were here.

    I hope you feel better soon. 🙂

  3. I’m very sorry to hear about the loss of these two wonderful young ladies. 😦 ❤

    It's a difficult life lesson to learn to deal with losses of all kinds…whether it be family, friends, pets, acquaintances–or other beautiful souls we may not have even met. I'm a lot like you in that I've been told I "wear my heart on my sleeve" or that I'm "sensitive". In my case, I've found that I am indeed sensitive to other peoples' situations, emotions, and "energy". Some refer to this sensitivity as being "empathic"…and you may have this gift too.

    I refer to it as a "gift", because in many ways, those who have it tend to experience life in so much more depth than many others. They experience the feelings of life to the fullest–and can appreciate it in all its subtle nuances, brilliance, and beauty.

    Sometimes things don't seem to make much sense to us, but there are so many things we humans have to learn about and experience. I know it may be difficult to understand, but I feel that each of us is here, living and learning with a certain purpose…perhaps these two beautiful souls had learned or accomplished the things they had come here to do…and the manner of their passing has given us a lesson to learn as well. If we can appreciate them, love them, and find a way to be grateful for the experiences they shared here, perhaps there is some small measure of comfort and healing to be found.

    I firmly believe that what we call "death" is merely a metamorphosis–where our physical bodies die, but our consciousness or soul "essence" goes on infinitely. There is a wonderful book by George Anderson, called "Walking in the Garden of Souls". I highly recommend it for anyone who is having a difficult time with a loss such as this. If you check it out on Amazon, there are a lot of helpful reviews with much more information. I've read it myself several times and found it not only comforting and thought provoking, but literally life-changing as well.

    As you read these words, please know that I (and I'm sure all your other blogging friends and family) are sharing your loss and intending the very best for you and all the others who knew of these two bright souls.

    With very much Love,

    • That was so nice. Thank you so much. I am glad to know that it’s not weird to feel how I do even though I wasn’t close to them at all. Thanks again, very uplifting. I will look into that book 💛

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