Brutal 

It is exactly 3:26 am as I begin to write this. For one reason or another, I can’t seem to fall asleep. Do you ever have times in your life that you feel so stressed but there’s really nothing to be stressed about? I mean, my biggest issue right now is how to deal with friends of mine who constantly give me headaches that I can so easily avoid by keeping my distance lol sometimes I think I create challenges for myself for fun. To feel like there’s some sort of conflict in my life so I don’t feel so bad for being upset the silly little things like it raining on a day I was planning to go for a nice power walk or my pvr not taping a show I thought I set it to tape! Anyway…tonight in particular, I can’t seem to fall asleep because my mind is all over the place. I actually have no idea what I’m trying to get at with this post and I’m writing with no direction but I’m hoping this will guide me to a nice sleep. I have to be up in 3 hours. Lifeeeeee. Anyway, I have such a busy week ahead of me. This weekend is my friends engagement party, Sunday is my nieces big birthday bash and Monday I am off to Nyc for the week! I was planning on going to Chicago next Friday because it’s a long weekend here in Canada but I just can’t seem to bring myself to book that trip when I already have so much going on. I was looking at prices to go to the south of France in September but again, I’m having difficultly taking in all these vacations when I already feel like I have too much on my plate. Isn’t it funny and sad that I’m worried about vacationing too much? Dear lord. For the record, I am the best deal finder so that is why I am lucky enough to get to travel as often as I have.  Anyway, I don’t know if that’ll be happening. Going to take one day at a time. On a completely different note, I got into a big argument with someone very very close to me…my dad. I don’t even want to get into how or why the topic came up but it was about religion. I have never seen my father act so ignorant and small minded in my life. I couldn’t help but argue back. I really pity people who only believe in one way of life and fault everyone else who aren’t in agreeance. That is the definition of my father sometimes. I love the man but I really felt sick to my stomach after the conversation that we had earlier. I wouldn’t even call it a conversation, I’d say it was more like him making accusations against a religion he thinks is awful and me telling him that he’s behaving exactly the way he said they were. I love my religion, in God I trust but if there is one thing wrong in today’s world it’s how unaccepting we all are in eachothers beliefs. I mean, what do I care who you pray to (or don’t pray to) at night? All I care is that you treat everyone with compassion and respect. My dad doesn’t get that. Because he experienced hate from a certain religion as a child (which by the way was 50+ years ago) he believes that things are still like that. My father fails to realize that putting people of a certain religion in one category is the exact reason for war and hate. He swore up and down that if I ever got involved with this particular religion, he’d disown me. Let me start off by saying that naturally, I plan to marry someone who has similar beliefs as me but I judge nobody for believing  different. I also want to add that I don’t do well with orders and as soon as my dad ordered me not to communicate with someone of that religion, it made me want to shout in his face and tell him I could do whatever I want. I didn’t do that, instead I spoke to him the same way you speak to someone you genuinely feel sorry for. The very same man who has been an incredible father to me is the same person spewing these nasty  comments.  I get mad and upset just thinking about it. Anyway, long story short (not really short at all) he told me that if I don’t stop defending them (them…again… Hate that we are all so divided) that he’d “disown” me. Let’s calm down dad lol that’s all I could say to the man. He stormed off and that was the end of that conversation. I guess we could say that I just resolved my own problem here haha I couldn’t sleep because my argument with my father weighed heavy on my mind and his small mind weighs heavy on my heart. I genuinely hope that he wakes up one day because life is too short to hold in so much hate for people you obviously don’t even interact with. I hope that eventually all this bullshit of not accepting one another for who we are comes to an end. I’m not some kind of peace maker nor do I enjoy stirring up a fight but I always stand up for what I feel is right inside of my heart. Whether it be for myself, a stranger or in this case….a culture or lifestyle I know nothing about. Let’s just try to get each other and if we don’t let’s at least try to keep our  comments and thoughts in poor judgement to ourselves. At the end of the day we are only left with our thoughts and if our thoughts are nasty, happiness does not exist.  That’s it. I’m off to bed now. Sorry for the venting haha xx 

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18 thoughts on “Brutal 

  1. I know someone who seems to be like your dad. He also thinks religion is one reason there’s war and hate. It is sad that there are people like them who have a firm belief against religion, and what is even sadder is when those people are the ones who are very close to our hearts. :/

    • It makes me so upset. I understand where he comes from because he grew up in a country where one religion dominated and he saw a lot of his family get killed by the particular religion but still he shouldn’t be categorizing them all into the same kind of person. My dad is a very strong opinionated Christian man who can’t seem to act very Christian when it comes to this.

  2. It happens with people who live in a cocoon. They are so scared to come out and except changes that they try pulling everyone inside. It’s not just your dad, I meet people everyday who have a similar thought process and to my extent my parents used to be like this too. But thankfully, they have started to except changes and see the other side of the world. Only love and compassion and respect should define human interactions and relations and no religion or beliefs or faiths.

  3. Girl, don’t ever apologize for venting! ( I apologize all the time and I’m being hypocritical but whatever ) I love reading people vent because those posts are usually the most relatable!

  4. Conflict helps us understand what we hold close and resentment is a shortcut to conflict. Pure faith can always stand in conflict while resentment will remain short lived. There’s a lot of people that hate people and don’t even know much about them.

      • Words of hate spread faster than words of acceptance. Love, may be unattainable it takes a great man to really hate someone and see passed reality. Some hate can stem from an unchecked desire which I think you mentioned. His pain will release him when he feels safe to let it go.

  5. One thing I’ve learned in dealing with people who are very opinionated is to not argue with them. When you disagree with someone of such strong belief, they take it personally, as if you’re not only attacking their belief, but also attacking them. So of course they get defensive, maybe raise their voice, and even yell, whether they mean to or not.

    From what you’ve written here about your father, I understand why he feels the way he does. He’s been deeply wounded and those scars are still visible (time heals wounds, not scars). As your father, his desire is to protect you and when you argue with him, he feels like you’re not listening and are opening yourself to potentially experiencing that same kind of hurt. And he doesn’t want to see you get hurt. Ironic, isn’t it, how a person will say hurtful things to you as they attempt to stop you from being hurt?

    Look, people believe what they believe based on their experiences. We can’t talk people out of their beliefs, no more than we can get them to unexperience everything they’ve been through. All we can do is understand them, let them know that we understand them, and live our lives the way we believe is right for us based on our experiences.

    Whenever I talk to someone I don’t agree with, I agree with them out loud, in front of them. If that makes them feel better, then that’s what I do. I still hold my own beliefs and opinions, but I try not to allow myself to make someone else feel like I’m discounting theirs. And that actually helps me. The more people I’m around and listen to, even if I don’t agree with them, the more I learn about humanity and how similar people are even in the ways they think they’re different. I don’t need to change anyone’s minds or hearts. People don’t want that, and if they do change, it’ll be on their own schedule. What they want is acceptance. So I accept people as they are. I remain me and I will be myself, but I do my best to let others be themselves.

    And if I’m caught between two sides, I remember that I sometimes agree with both sides and sometimes disagree with both sides. I also remember that neither side really needs me to defend them. Everyone can stand on their own.

    Anyway, I’m sorry for the length of this reply. Good luck with your father! I hope things are good between you two! 🙂

    Oh, and if you haven’t seen it, I posted my acceptance of the Liebster you nominated me for. Thank you again for that. 🙂
    Here’s the link: https://gabriel360live.wordpress.com/2015/07/22/two-awards-are-a-much-longer-post-than-one/

    • Thank you so much for this comment. It’s actually very very good for me to read because it makes me understand him a lot more. I definitely can see what you mean by just agreeing for no argument but I’ve always been the person who stands for what is right and I knew in that moment that my father wasn’t. But yes I definitely can see why he feels the way he does. Thanks again for writing that, it was a great read! I didn’t see that, I’ll check it out now!

      • “I’ve always been the person who stands for what is right and I knew in that moment that my father wasn’t.”

        It’s good that you understand that about yourself and it’s good that you be yourself. As I like to say, the two most important letters in the English alphabet are B U. 🙂

        Okay, I don’t like to say that, but it just came to me just now and I’m sure I’ll be thinking about it later and regret having said it because it sounds so cheesy. Haha.

  6. Broad strokes cover everything and nothing equally. At some point people should question their beliefs. Sometimes they still hold up after the answers reveal themselves, and sometimes they fall to pieces.

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