I haven’t written much which seems to be a norm for me as of late. I’m not really sure if it’s because my interest shifted or because I have less I want to share. It’s a new year and I’ve noticed that even though I always knew I loved my privacy, it’s SO important to have it. I guess that contradicts with writing online but the beauty of that is I get to write what I want to share and I get to keep what I want private. I can truly say 2016 was such an interesting and eye opening year for me. 

So much and so little happened, which made me grow more than I could have ever imagined. It’s a really confusing feeling that’s a mix of bitter and sweet (I guess this is where they coined the term “bittersweet”). I can truly say that 2016 was a year of focus on myself. Though I was selfish at times, I am confident that it made me figure out what I needed and what I truly didn’t. I made strong relationships and lost people I hold/held of importance in my life. I know there’s a saying that goes “not everyone you lose is a loss” and it took some time to realize that this in fact is true. The memories stay but sometimes the people attached to them change. I realized there’s a time to be nostalgic and a time for acceptance. While I can be nostalgic about what has been lost, I can also accept the process of growing up and growing apart. That’s okay. It’s okay to keep what you want and let go of what isn’t good for you. 

No, I don’t believe or think I am anywhere near a “philosopher” I’m just someone with an online journal. Writing to myself in hopes that when I read it in the future, I’ve grown. It may not make sense to anyone else but to me it makes perfect sense and that’s all that matters. If any of this resonates with you, it makes me happy to know even as complete strangers, some people can share mutual truths. 

Here is what I learned:

1. Believe the vibe someone is giving you. If you feel like you can’t trust someone, it’s because you probably shouldn’t. 

2. If outside sources can break a bond… it was never a real bond to begin with. 

3. Respect people’s privacy in the same way you want yours respected. If you surround yourself with talkers… you become one yourself. 

4. Trust your instinct. If you need to leave a situation…LEAVE. If someone wants to go, let them. Holding tight on to something/someone that wants to go is like holding onto sand. It slips away (I heard that somewhere). I know my value, if someone doesn’t see it… I’m not of value to them and I’m okay with that. The same goes to anyone I’ve devalued. Know yourself and apply it to people who know you too. 

5. NEVER accept anything from anyone when you know it feels wrong. Ever. Nothing is free. Money and gifts come and go but the hurt that you cause the giver is hard to deal with. The hurt and guilt it causes you as a receiver takes a long time to heal. The only thing you need is genuine connection. Once you accept things you don’t deserve…the authenticity of the friendship goes away. Never allow things with a price value to control how you feel or how you hope someone else feels. 

6. Be nice. Honestly. I have been on both ends. I have not been nice and I’ve had people that have not been very nice to me. Not worth the stress or heartache. What do we take away from hurting other people? Sadness. Of all the things I went through in 2016, I just wish I could have been a little nicer. Explained myself and my feelings with more kindness. I wish people would have done the same for me. It hurts hearing people you respect speak poorly of you. It’s a mix of shock and dissapontment. Had things been handled with care, relationships and friendships would have become stronger rather than the opposite. Good memories with old bonds would stay positive rather than become overshadowed by the negativity. 

7. Care more or care less. Just care in the right way. I’ve noticed that when I had troubles or issues, I just ran away from them rather than caring. I sometimes cared about situations more than I should have, which caused me to shift my energy on things and people that didn’t deserve it. Teaching myself to care in the right way can change the outcome indefinitely. 

8. Accomplishments are important. Work on me. Work on myself. My goals. My happiness. By myself. Not have anyone do it for me. It is one thing to have someone push you to better yourself but there’s nothing like achieving goals all on your own. I achieved some personal goals for 2016 but for 2017, I’m pushing myself even harder. It’s not just a need, it’s a want. I need to do a lot of things but knowing that I want to do them makes it more real and more fulfilling. Another thing about accomplishments is this: I have learned not to let any of them feel lessened. Some days, my motivation is there 100%. Others, it takes work. I’ve learned to accept the fact that some accomplishments (even if they feel like small ones at the time) are just as important and worth feeling good about.  

9. Know that it’s okay to be wrong. I fought a lot with myself/others because I simply couldn’t accept that I was wrong. Once I accepted I was wrong, it was much easier to accept what had to go and what had to change. Disclaimer: this one isn’t always an easy one. 

10. Grow up! Lord knows I needed to grow up and Lord knows I still have a ways to go. It’s possible to grow older but not grow up (haha). I’m a true example of that. The point is, I am aware of it, which to me is the ultimate sign of growing up. Sometimes I wish I could carry people I genuinely cared about to grow with me or I could have grown as fast as others who have passed me but people do things at their own pace. In 2017, I hope to be more aware of this so I don’t spend so much time on things that won’t matter in a few months. 

There is obviously much more to it but I think these get the point across. As this year progresses, I hope to follow suit. I’ll be writing a lot and I’m not sure if it’ll be jotted in my private notes or on my public forum but I’ll be documenting for my own personal growth. Again, I’m no expert, but if you’re reading this, I encourage you to do the same. This may mean reflecting quietly at the end of the day here or there or simply collecting your thoughts getting home or during a workout. Sometimes that quiet reflection makes all the difference. I have let go of most of the “pain” that came with 2016 and I hope that people who may have been affected by it have too. I know it’s so cheesy but life is too damn short to dwell on things we can no longer change or want to change. I will always have a special place for people I once adored but as they say, let go and let God. Not everything is in my control but my actions sure are. I read somewhere that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. We can’t control everything, but we can control our own thoughts and actions, which can be our most powerful attribute as human beings. I have learned that I can’t control how others treat me but I can control how I react to them. I can’t control my emotions but I can control my behaviour. From writing that alone…I can see that the more I’ve learned, the more I’ve grown.

Wishing everyone a year full of everything they hope it to be xx